


i bet a lot of me was lost (t's uncrossed and i's undotted)

by tommyshepherdd (atimeforflores)



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Families of Choice, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Child Abuse, Implied Neglect, Running Away, The Kaplans foster Tommy, alternative universe - no powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-04-19 22:57:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4764092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atimeforflores/pseuds/tommyshepherdd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wanted someone to tell him to stay. No one did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The overwhelming feeling that he was suffocating did not happen all at once. It crept up on him, while he was trying to pretend he could fit in a happy home, that he could have a happy ending.

It began with little things; the tightening in Mrs. Kaplan’s smile when he’d come home, the way Billy would blow him off to spend time with Teddy, the calls that Kate would ignore. It made something painful make itself known in Tommy’s throat, something that stabbed at his voice box and made tears prickle in the corners of his eyes.

He ignored it.

It continued, things getting bigger; the F on his English essay, the day he realized that he didn’t have any money for lunch- Billy didn’t hand him anything that morning, too busy talking with Teddy.

And then the track meet that he invited all the Kaplans to.

No one showed up.

So he ran his race, winning first place. The crowd cheered, but not one of them were there just for him. He swallowed down the sob that wanted to rip itself out of his throat, scrubbing at at his eyes with the heels on his hands. He shivered slightly, his sweat cooling on his skin as he stood in the shorts and tank top the school had given him as a uniform. He scanned the crowd again, looking for dark hair and glasses. For a moment he thought that he did see them, but it turned out to be someone else.

His coach clapped a heavy hand down on his shoulder, telling him he did a good job and to go get cleaned up.

After his shower, he went out to the front of the school, once again scanning for his brother- for anyone. There was no one there.

That night, he packed some of his clothes into his school bookbag, dumping the other contents all over the guest room’s floor. It was late, everyone else in the house already gone to bed when he unlatched the door, waiting for just a second to let his forehead rest against the doorframe and letting a few tears slip down his face.

He wanted someone to tell him to stay. No one did.

…

Rebecca got up at every morning at 6 o’clock on the dot, jolting awake with the first beep of her alarm clock. It was a routine she had ingrained in college, modifying it slightly to fit as she got older; get up, go pee, take a shower, check on the boys and go make coffee. This morning though, she decided to skip checking on the boys; she did not want to walk into Billy’s room and see him wrapped around Teddy, again. Besides, Tommy was such a light sleeper that he would surely wake up to the squeak of the door.

So she brewed her coffee, and scrambled some eggs and waited for the rest of the apartment to wake up.

Billy came out a little before seven, feet shuffling as he dragged himself towards the smell of the food. It was comical as he peeked one eye open only to grab a coffee cup off of the rack and to fill it with more cream and sugar than actual coffee.

“Tired?” Rebecca asked her youngest, gently smoothing his long hair out of his eyes.

“Tommy’s stupid alarm clock has been going off for half an hour.” He muttered back, leaning into her touch. But that- that didn’t sound right?

Because Tommy hated that stupid alarm clock, hated it with a passion, abusing it every chance he got. He was almost fond of punching it off of his small bedside table, never letting it go off for more than a minute.

Teddy shuffled in next, a shirt that was definitely not his clinging to his larger frame.

“Tommy’s door is locked,” Teddy told them as he got out the orange juice, “couldn’t get in to shut it off.”

“Rebecca?” She heard Jeff call, as she felt her heart clench in her chest. “Where’s Tommy?”

“What do you mean?” She called back, exchanging looks with the teenagers in her kitchen, “He should be in his room.”

Her heart sped up as she pushed herself off the counter, practically running to where Tommy’s room was located. The other boys followed her, finding Jeff standing in the middle of the room, clutching his key ring and the alarm clock. All around the floor laid Tommy’s school stuff, the pencils that he had spent 40 minutes picking out just strewn carelessly. His closet drawers were ripped open, random clothes grabbed out of them and some laying on the floor like they had fallen from the hangers.

Jeff was staring at a piece of paper lying on Tommy’s bed, crumpled up and scribbled on. When she picked it up, the only legible thing that could be made out was a scratched out, “I’m sorry.”

“Billy,” She said, voice shaking, “Please, go call the police.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Tommy was cold, and hungry. And a little bit wet.

He also didn’t know where he was; he didn’t think further than that he needed to get out, to breathe. He thanked everything he could think of for his cross country endurance, and the fact that the apartment had a gym so he could stay in shape during the off season- not that was much use to him now.

He couldn’t go back, they were surely up by now. Locking the guest bedroom door had been a precaution, something to slow them down, but he still couldn’t show his face again. The note had been a mistake, he should have thrown it away, or put it down the garbage disposal, or something.

So he ran, dressed in a pair of his best sneakers and Billy’s old sweat pants, working up a sweat that made him shiver even more when he stopped running, and an appetite that was quickly making itself known.

And he forgot to grab any money.

Tommy wanted to cry, and to scream and to stomp his feet but he was fine. He had gone longer without food before, and had worn lighter clothing in worse weather. He was fine.

…

“Okay, see you soon, Captain Rogers.” Rebecca hung up the phone, looking wary and a lot older than what she truly was. Billy wanted to gather his mom in his arms and just hug her until he knew everything was going to be alright.

But it wasn’t alright, because Tommy was gone.

It was a long time since he met the other boy- since he had had a friend of his break into his sealed adoption files and find not only his birth mother, but his brother too. A brother that he didn’t know he had, but was still overjoyed to discover existed.

He already had two older brothers, but they were in college by then. So finding out about Tommy, was amazing. Calling the other boy up on the phone had been nerve racking, his 12 year old voice cracking as a man answered the phone. He had told a lie, something about a school project and suddenly he was talking to Tommy.

And when Tommy moved in with them two and a half years later? Well, that had been pretty cool too. Even if Tommy didn’t speak for a week, and cried himself to sleep for a while. It was good.

Jeff sat at the table, hands clenched around his coffee cup. It was black, and every morning Tommy had gotten into the habit of pouring it for him.

He looked up, as if he could feel his son’s eyes boring holes into his head, gesturing for Billy to take the seat next to him. Billy did, but only after Teddy gave him a reassuring rub on the back.

His dad stared at him, looking tired and worried. “Do you know why Tommy might have took off?”

“No!” Billy immediately protested, “I didn’t do anything!”

“I wasn’t trying to imply that you did.” Jeff soothed, laying a hand on his son’s shoulder. Billy sniffled at him, just a little bit, and glared with red stained eyes.

“I thought things were going good.” He stresses, pulling at his own dark hair. A picture of Tommy and him stared back at him, as his phone lit up. The message wasn’t from Tommy though, so he didn’t open it.

“They are.” Jeff told him, pulling him into a hug. Billy didn’t notice the look his parents shared.

…

Captain Rogers doesn’t give them good news when he gets there; he says that they would put out an Amber Alert, but since Tommy already had a history of running away (and even though Billy protested that that didn’t count) and that he had a rap sheet, that it wasn’t really a case that they could pull a lot of people for.

“Is there anywhere that you could think of he would go to?” Captain Rogers asked, just as he was gathering his things to leave.

Billy stared stubbornly at the table, hunched in on himself and avoiding eye contact.

“Billy…” Teddy said, directing the attention to his boyfriend. Billy fidgeted.

“I…” Billy choked up, putting his head on the table.

“Son,” Captain Rogers said gently, “any information you may have will help.”

Billy sniffled in return, keeping his head on the table. He cleared his throat.

“He might…” Billy started, stopping himself to take a deep breath of air, “He might have gone to our…”

Billy lifted his head, looking at his parents who were staring back. He knew he was going to be in so much trouble.

Billy closed his eyes, finishing, “He might have gone to our birth mother’s house.”

The kitchen erupted in chaos.

…

Wanda Maximoff was a wanderess, never staying in one place long. She had traveled the miles upon miles of the Wall of China, and dragged her feet through the soft sand of the Sahara, and danced and celebrated with the people of Latin America. It was all very wonderful, keeping both her mind and body busy. She wouldn’t change the world and walls she built around herself for anything.

She had lately embarked on her latest adventure; domesticality. It was a thing she figured that she could strike off her list sooner than later, just a check mark saying that she lived and breathed with the same people for an extended amount of time. She was three months in and didn’t yet feel like suffocating.

It was almost easy; say hello to Mr. Johnson from down the hall while she jogged to get her mail, take Ms. Brown up on her offer of cookies and tea (the old widow was pretty lonely these days), smile at little Matty Bright from 2b as he rode the elevator down to the first floor to get to his bus stop, and on every Thursday of the month call Pietro so he knows that she hadn’t gone stir-crazy just yet. It was normal, not dramatic or exciting about it at all.

So the last thing she expected to see on her doorstep that morning- that very peaceful morning of NCIS reruns and cream cheese on toast that was interrupted by a loud banging -was a very large and muscled cop, a severe looking woman with short hair and glasses, a man in a button up and tie and a boy who looked eerily familiar.

“Ms. Maximoff?” The cop asked when she opened the door, staring at the strange group in front of her. The cop looked down at her, head tilted to take in her petite form.

“Yes?” she responded, her accent catching. The boy stared back at her, a look of awe on his face.

“Has Thomas Shepherd been here lately to see you?” He asked, leveling her with a displeased look.

“Seeing as I have no idea who that is, I’m going to say no.” She told him, ready to slam the door to get away from their prying eyes.

“Ma’am.” The cop stopped her, catching her by the arm, “you may know him by another name. Baby Boy 2 Maximoff?”

The blood ran out of her face.

…

It was getting really cold. That was what Tommy was acutely aware of. It was cold and he was still hungry. He was seriously contemplating going to dig in the dumpster out back of the little cafe that he had been huddling outside of for the last few hours. He could smell it from the front, but it almost smelled tempting. He didn’t want to move though, his limbs feeling heavy and the building shielding him from the cutting wind.

“Hey, kid!” Someone said to him, the doorbell of the little cafe ringing. The voice startled him out of his own thoughts, his knees knocking painfully against his chin from where he was huddled. “We’re closing soon.”

Tommy figured that meant scram.

“I-okay…” He said defeated, uncurling himself from the bench he had been perched on. His feet touched the ground, tingling from not being used. “I’ll go.”

He started to stand, gritting his teeth as wind went right through his thin jacket.

“Kid?” the voice said again, this time gentler, “Do you even have a place to stay tonight?”

Tommy grunted in reply, ignoring the rumbling coming from his stomach as he began to walk away from the stone building.

“Hey!” the voice said again, “Where are you going?”

Tommy clenched his fists, willing the tears in his eyes to go away, “Cafe’s closing. So I have to go. Gotta find some place to sleep.” He continued walking.

But someone ran up behind him, grabbing him by his arm and turning him around. A guy stared back at him, and he couldn’t be any older than his early twenties.

“Hey,” the guy said, pushing up his own glasses, “My name’s David.” he jerked his chin towards the cafe, tugging a little on Tommy’s arm, “Let’s go inside.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, comment pls and follow me on Tumblr
> 
> gaysupersoldiers.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

Wanda tried not to think about her past. Sure she could reminisce about adventures she had been on, and lands she had traveled but there was a certain point in her life that she told herself just not to think about.

It was ten months in total, 16 years earlier.

She tried not to think of how she had been so reckless at 17 years old. It was a time when she thought that chafing from leather was worth the look, and that smoking cigarettes was cool. When she thought it was funny to hide Pietro’s things and crash her father’s cars. When she thought the body guards that were supposed to follow her around anywhere were fun to play with, to sleep with.

And then Vision got a bullet in his skull.

She didn’t even know his actual name, just that he went by “Vision” because he never let a client out of his sight. He was the first one she thought she loved, the first person apart from her family that she had truly cared for.

And then her father killed him.

So she packed her designer bags, and left in the middle of the night. She took a train straight out of the country, spending her next few weeks wandering around small villages and markets. She had made friends with one old woman who had recently become a widow, and let her stay in her guest room. It was that old woman who had found her morning after morning with her head in the toilet. Neither spoke the other’s language, but Wanda knew exactly what she was trying to say when the old woman cradled her arms and made a rocking motion.

She knew, she just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

And the results were staring her right in the eyes, dark brown on dark brown. His hair curled ever so slightly, though she was sure if he grew it out it would mirror her own.

He did not seem to inherit anything from Vision at all.

“How did you find me?” Her eyes darted from the Boy- Billy, her mind whispered viciously -to his parents- not you, it snarled at her -to the cop. The Captain, as he had introduced himself. “I was quite adamant about the whole thing being a closed adoption.”

The Boy shifted in his seat, “I had a friend get me the records?”

“I see.” She said, pulling her eyes away from his hunched form, “Well, as you can see, he has never been here. You may leave now.”

She stood to usher them out. She was closing the door when the Boy spun towards her, looking at her through the sliver, “Don’t you care about him?”

She frowned back, “Of course I do, why do you think I gave you guys up?”

She tried to convince herself it was the truth as she latched the locks.

…

_I could just drive away and never look back!_ his mo-Mary used say, used to spit out when she got a little bit too frustrated with the way her life had been going.

He used to stay up half the night listening for the telltale creak of her Oldsmobile pulling into their driveway as he worried that she finally had done good on her threat. After he did hear it pull in, and the jingle of her keys as she stepped into the house would he finally go to bed- some days his stomach would growl painfully, Frank having been a little too drunk to actually make him food.

_Clean this shit up!_ Frank would scream when he was sober, gesturing to the piles of clothes by the drier that Tommy had no where to put- no dresser or closet in his little room. Tommy would take them to the room, pushing them in the corner and hoping they wouldn’t smell too bad by the time he wore them.

_You’re a goddamn rat!_ Frank would rage, drunkenly swaying as he stared at the piles, _You a fucking piggy?_

__

Tommy would duck behind the couch when Frank that drunk, avoiding the crumpled cans and broken glass as he prayed to whatever was out there that he wouldn’t be found.

He was thirteen when he ran away the first time, from that little house in New Jersey. He had made it a whole twenty miles away when the officer spotted him, dragging him to the police station and calling his parents.

They had picked him up in that creaky Oldsmobile, looking like they hadn’t told him that they wished they’d never adopted him, that he wasn’t a mistake and that no one wanted him. Mary smoothed his newly bleached hair down, kissing his brow. Frank slapped him across the face right after they got out of eyesight of the police station.

He called Billy that night, saying that he was having a great Spring break but wouldn’t be able to make it for his party.

He was fourteen when Frank and Mary split for the final time, both of them signing away their parental rights. He had a black eye and bruises from thin fingers on his upper arm when they dropped him off at the Kaplan’s, the paperwork being signed in less than an hour.

Billy chattered in his ear, telling him how excited he was to have his brother living with him. Tommy didn’t have the heart to mention that it would be fun while it lasted.

He wished he had.

…

Tommy was curled up on the bed of some guy he had just met while the guy was laying on the couch only a doorway away. He wished he could had said that it was the weirdest place he had slept- or at least tried to -but he really couldn’t.

David had insisted that he take the bed, shoving him into the bathroom with a dry long sleeved shirt and sweatpants to change into. And David didn’t even try to climb into the bed with him, or watch him while he tugged his outer layer of wet clothing off.

It was like he had been sent a slightly strange and pushy guardian angel. One who served cold pizza and hot chocolate.

One who didn’t pressure him to call his “parents” or go home or anything.

And if he saw that David was still awake and had checked in on him at the same time that he was still awake and quietly crying into the borrowed pillow, well, neither of them mentioned it the next morning.

…

Wanda couldn’t be sure, but she almost felt like the green character from that one Christmas movie. The grouchy one that she had watched with Luna the year before.

She felt like her heart was growing, something she had worked hard to prevent. And all it took was a teenage boy’s Facebook profile. There were posts from Billy mostly on Tommy’s page, pictures of them after one of Tommy’s “meets”, and some of Tommy dressed in goofy outfits when they were apparently out shopping. But it was the newest one that shocked her the most, just three simple words: please come home.

There were some other teens posting on Tommy’s wall, something about a search party banding together the next morning at their high school, and something else about a “prayer circle”.

There were no answers on why he might of run away, though. Nothing to show that he was anything but happy, and that he would want to leave. Nothing but smiling faces and silly poses.

But she knew that if she would look through those old scrapbooks that Father kept in his study that her pictures would look the same. That same grin and that same hidden look in her eyes.

And maybe that was the thing that caused her to show up at that high school the next morning, head held high as she signed up for a search group, and as a designated driver.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't my best writing and i apologize for that.


	4. Chapter 4

There should have been some warning signs, Rebecca thought idly as she rubbed sunscreen into Billy’s face. Something should have set off alarms in her head, something should had stood out. But as she searched her mind, she couldn’t find anything. 

At first when Tommy had moved in- after the whirlwind of paperwork and attorneys -she had wanted to distance herself from the boy who looked too much like the one she had raised for the past decade and a half. She wanted to calmly slip into her Dr. Kaplan persona and ask him what she could do for him that day, but after an hour of another heartbreaking story he would be shuffled back to whichever adult had brought him into her office that day. But she didn’t have that option, not with this troubled teen. 

Tommy was a complex cocktail of anger and grief, of failed report cards and blocked letters forming words like, “Not working to full potential”.

He was something almost unexplainable, something that she didn’t want to read into too closely. And she was paying for that now. 

She paid for it in the Facebook page they set up, the profile picture one she had never seen before; apparently it was from the night before he disappeared, and he was caught in those pixels for what seemed like eternity, one leg stretching across the finish line as he grinned towards whoever took it. He never smiled like that at home.

She paid for it in the way the local news adopted the story, spinning tales of an abused boy who had finally found his home. How they spelled out all she had done wrong, and how she lost him. 

And now she paid for it with her son.

She paid for it with the way his birth mother, his real mother, showed up to help search for Tommy. When she was busy at the office, the woman who had given her boys up years beforehand was out there, looking to bring her wandering sheep home. 

It stung.

…

Tommy stayed with David for two days, hiding in the older teen’s apartment while he worked at his shop. He drank hot chocolate and petted David’s cat and slept in his bed.

And then he left in the middle of the night, jimmying the cash register open and taking two hundred dollars. He told himself he’d pay it back one day. 

He kept to himself as he sped through the streets, not running but obviously not walking. He kept his hands clenched in the pocket of the coat that he had snatched from the lost and found in the cafe, and buried his neck and half of his face in the collar. It was when he was rounding another corner when he collided with another person, his smaller form being knocked to the ground.

“Watch it.” The guy growled, glaring down at Tommy with dark eyes. The guy’s eyes traveled to a little to the left of Tommy, drawing Tommy’s gaze to that spot too. Tommy realized with a thrill of fear that the wad of money he had taken from David’s had fallen out of his pocket during the fall. The guy took a step forward. Tommy grabbed the money off the ground and ran.

He rushed through the crowded alleys of the city, pushing past others on their ways to their apartments and homes- he jumped over trashcans, pushing them over behind him as he heard the man thundering after him. The guy was big, and would obviously be able to take anything he wanted from Tommy. 

Tommy had the advantage of his youth, his athleticism and his experience running from people before. He learned that one long ago but had seemed to let himself slip into the safety of the Kaplan home. He was slowing by the time they were five blocks down, never having been able to sprint for long. He cursed himself for not setting a steady pace when he felt his chest begin to tighten, trying to suck in breaths desperately. 

He was almost ready to just give up and let the man catch him when he felt something grab hold of him and pull him through a doorway, the metal slamming seconds later. He saw through the crack in the door where the hinges didn’t quite touch the doorway that the man who had been chasing him ran past, as if Tommy had been transported into a cartoon and he was finally getting his big break. 

He turned slowly, ready for anything. For a moment he saw nothing, just the dim light of the room he had been pulled in. And then, someone cleared their throat, causing Tommy’s line of sight to narrow. He looked down, finding himself face to face with two young girls, one hiding behind the other.

“Hello!” One chirped. She was wearing some sort of animal hat and clutching the hand of the one behind her. “I’m Molly! And this is Klara!”

…

Billy glared at Tommy’s school photo. He looked so different in it- he had parted his hair down the middle that day instead of leaving it in the wreckless curls it usually formed in. It was straightened, too, something he had Kate come at five in the morning to do. 

Billy wanted answers. Where had his brother gone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, sorry i was gone so long
> 
> follow me on Tumblr? gaysupersoldiers.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on Tumblr and comment?
> 
> gaysupersoldiers.tumblr.com


End file.
